Honey, Do You Think I Have A Pretty Vagina?

You know how there’s always that one guy who likes to go to a bar, drink too much and pick a fight with the puny guy in the corner? I’m a little like that. I like to have a second glass of wine and ask my husband a question that will make him squirm. Don’t judge me, I find it entertaining. Last night I said to my husband, “How does my vagina look to you?” He gave me a befuddled look I’m familiar with, and then he started checking out …

I Don’t Have Male Friends: It’s Not An Accident

You’re not my friend. You’re my husband’s friend, or my family’s friend. Let me make it perfectly clear, unless you are Mike or Sordid you will never be my friend. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friendly, I love reading your blogs and my family loves spending time with you. I just don’t have a need for a male friend. I’d love to meet your wife, heck, I cozied right up to Will just so I could claim a friend with a pink car that didn’t come from Mary Kay. …

The Most Fun I Ever Had in Bed

The other night I came to bed with my iPhone. It didn’t seem particularly unusual to my husband since I often stream audiobooks or This American Life and listen to it instead of sports while I go to sleep. It was a cold night, so I turned my back to my husband, cradled the iPhone near my gut and piled on the blankets. “Oh, my stomach hurts.” I groaned to him. And then I pressed this button. And there was a farting sound.

Symbiosis: Why Marriage Works

Symbiosis is when two different organisms live together in the same environment and each needs the other. Some relationships facilitate one another, other relationships obligate. Ours does both. At 38 I’ve noticed that it’s time to wax the lip. My darling husband, on the flip side, can’t see a thing. He squints at me and says, “What hair?” I give him an weird are you blind look, he says, “buy me some reading glasses”. I say I will, but never do. Symbiosis, he’s blind, I’m hairy, we’re in love.

The Sound of Celibacy

Thanksgiving dinner was lovely. I roasted a turkey, pomegranate gravy with freshly squeezed pomagranite juice, chestnut stuffing, roasted potatoes and scallions, my mom brought cranberry and orange molds along with pie and cookies for dessert. I made tea for everyone and my darling husband sat in front of the television and said, “Honey, these are the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever eaten, you should ask your mom for the recipe.” “It’s the tollhouse recipe, I make it all the time.” I explained to him. “Yeah, whatever your mom does …