The Sex Talk: Go Ask Your Father

Remember how Jane wanted to read Breaking Dawn? Well, today she asked me again, we were in the car. Jane and I were in the front seat and Alexander in the middle back. A nice little triangle.

Jane asked me if I’d come to any conclusion about her reading Breaking Dawn. I told her that I had several thoughts on it, and one of them was to just let her read it and self censor, but that it was a discussion for Dad and me to have first. Then this happened:

ALEXANDER: Why can’t you read about a baby in a tummy.

ME: Uh, errrr… ugh…

JANE: Because it has sex in it.

ALEXANDER: What is sex?

[insert sound of Jane giggling… please remind me to punish her for something soon]

ME: I’m going to have you talk to Dad about it when he gets home.

ALEXANDER: Why? Is it like baseball?

Then we got to talking about Vampires and the afterlife, which is, frankly, much better for me. Because talking about sex in a car in rush hour for the second time (remind me to tell you about Jane one day) is simply too much for me on a Friday.

I got home and sent my husband an email. Take a look.

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  1. I once got asked a similar question as I was driving across a bridge in traffic, my answer, “Hey, look at that boat!!!”

  2. Damn. Your hubs is wicked smaat.

    • I’m a dumbass. I jut realized he meant he was the master…and he wasn’t trying to compliment you while trying to get you to have the talk at the same time. Duh.

  3. i just snorted. seriously. that…is so freaking funny. i go with the special hug explanation. my problem is, my 6 y/o son has been asking lately if the special hug is done naked. and why. and what happens during this special hug. and…oh, you get the point.
    maybe your husband will call my kid when he’s done explaining it to yours? :)

  4. This is CLASSIC! For some reason most of our deep conversations (or at least deep questions from the kids) happened in the car. The more rushed we are, the more complex the question. “Who are/What is an American?” “Roe v. Wade” being some of the choice topic/questions. Surprised we haven’t got into any major car crashes yet…

  5. Ariel Corral

    Well. It´s very funny anywhere including in Brazil. Good writting, and good luck!

  6. Master, cool! Who did your husband end up hiring?

  7. I need to remember that comeback if I’m ever in that situation. Which, thankfully, is a long ways away….

  8. Hahaha – I can’t imagine you being at a loss for words, Jess. Then again, it may be different explaining it to boys.

    Also wanted to say thanks for the comment today! :)

  9. funny. best dad son sex story. friend’s husband goes to tell his son about sex:
    Dad: Son, sometimes when a man gets excited his penis gets hard.
    Son: Oh, you mean a boner?
    Dad: Ok, we’re about done here!

  10. your husband really is awesome.



    I want to meet your Husband Jessica hahahahaha.

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