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Dusting Off an Oldie: The Bitch is Mine


Before this blog, I had another anonymous blog. It was okay and had a nice group of people attached to it. Both my husband and mother refer to this blog as the not very entertaining one.

So, I thought I’d take a moment to let my mother entertain you. This is from November of 2007, pardon me if you’ve read it before, but it’s such a good indicator of the family dynamic that I thought it was worth dusting off and recycling.

I apologize for any typos, I’m still in fits and giggles but here’s my morning phone call.

Me: Good morning.

Granny: It’s so weird I’m at Cristophe for a haircut and Francois isn’t here.

Me: Ooh that is odd (our colorist has moved on)

Granny: blah blah blah Kids blah blah Dog.

Me: Okay

Granny: Which reminds me, we’ve just finished our will.

Me: Oh, who has to take the fucking dog if you die?

Granny: You like her, you know it, and there’s a codicil on there so whoever gets her will get some money.

Me: How much?

Granny: You know, our attorney’s a real dog lover and we were thinking $10,000 or $20,000 and he was suggesting $50,000 in case she’s sick and you have to…. [at this point my lovely mother is still talking but I’m too hysterical laughing to actually hear anything]

Granny: What’s so funny?

Me: [still in fits]

Granny: What’s so funny? This is going to be on your G-d Damn blog isn’t it? Do I have to read that damn thing to find out what’s so funny?

Me: No Mom, it’s fine. It’s just funny that your lawyer would give me $50,000 to put your dog to sleep.

Dude, seriously, $500 is fine, if I have to buy an animal anything more than Tylenol down it goes.

Yeah, I’m all warm and fuzzy that way. I’m so excited that Granny’s leaving me her dog, although I have a feeling that the brothers might find themselves loving said dog a little more after they read this.

$50,000? I swear to all that is holy, Granny’s lawyer is a moron.

10 thoughts on “Dusting Off an Oldie: The Bitch is Mine”

  1. My husband is always stopping mid-sentence to say,

    “You’re going to blog this, aren’t you?”

    Thank goodness you are only getting stuck with a dog. My mom is leaving me the two dysfunctional children she and dad could never quite stop bailing out. And I can’t have them put down. I checked.

  2. Liar, liar, pants on fire. I’m going to have to resurrect my blog to let the truth be known. If I do, will you link it? Watch out…Love you, yo mama

  3. Oh Annie, your mother sounds much worse than mine.

    Mom, really, I can’t just link to your blog, I have so many people who are dying for me to link to their blogs, would it be fair for me to leave them out?

    I could love all my credibility that way.
    Oh, and I’d have tell them about the 70’s, it would be humiliating for you….


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