Dusting Off an Oldie: The Bitch is Mine

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Before this blog, I had another anonymous blog. It was okay and had a nice group of people attached to it. Both my husband and mother refer to this blog as the not very entertaining one.

So, I thought I’d take a moment to let my mother entertain you. This is from November of 2007, pardon me if you’ve read it before, but it’s such a good indicator of the family dynamic that I thought it was worth dusting off and recycling.

I apologize for any typos, I’m still in fits and giggles but here’s my morning phone call.

Me: Good morning.

Granny: It’s so weird I’m at Cristophe for a haircut and Francois isn’t here.

Me: Ooh that is odd (our colorist has moved on)

Granny: blah blah blah Kids blah blah Dog.

Me: Okay

Granny: Which reminds me, we’ve just finished our will.

Me: Oh, who has to take the fucking dog if you die?

Granny: You like her, you know it, and there’s a codicil on there so whoever gets her will get some money.

Me: How much?

Granny: You know, our attorney’s a real dog lover and we were thinking $10,000 or $20,000 and he was suggesting $50,000 in case she’s sick and you have to…. [at this point my lovely mother is still talking but I’m too hysterical laughing to actually hear anything]

Granny: What’s so funny?

Me: [still in fits]

Granny: What’s so funny? This is going to be on your G-d Damn blog isn’t it? Do I have to read that damn thing to find out what’s so funny?

Me: No Mom, it’s fine. It’s just funny that your lawyer would give me $50,000 to put your dog to sleep.

Dude, seriously, $500 is fine, if I have to buy an animal anything more than Tylenol down it goes.

Yeah, I’m all warm and fuzzy that way. I’m so excited that Granny’s leaving me her dog, although I have a feeling that the brothers might find themselves loving said dog a little more after they read this.

$50,000? I swear to all that is holy, Granny’s lawyer is a moron.

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10 Comments

  1. You and your mom are both a scream. Thanks for the laugh!

  2. Jessica Gottlieb

    Oh ladies, it only gets more worser….

  3. sam

    Actually, it was just as funny the second time around.

  4. Yeah Sam, my mom’s good that way, wait until you see the emails where I asked her for a picture of the dog.

  5. My husband is always stopping mid-sentence to say,

    “You’re going to blog this, aren’t you?”

    Thank goodness you are only getting stuck with a dog. My mom is leaving me the two dysfunctional children she and dad could never quite stop bailing out. And I can’t have them put down. I checked.

  6. Yo mama

    Liar, liar, pants on fire. I’m going to have to resurrect my blog to let the truth be known. If I do, will you link it? Watch out…Love you, yo mama

  7. Oh Annie, your mother sounds much worse than mine.

    Mom, really, I can’t just link to your blog, I have so many people who are dying for me to link to their blogs, would it be fair for me to leave them out?

    I could love all my credibility that way.
    Oh, and I’d have tell them about the 70’s, it would be humiliating for you….

    *snort*

  8. I think nepotism in this case is ok. Besides, your mom blogs, if you get your sense of humor from her, you HAVE to let us read it :)

    @daNanner

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