For those of you unfamiliar with Little League, the season is over. We are now involved in what is known as “Fall Ball”. I don’t typically say “we” when it comes to children’s sports, but I assure you “we” are involved in fall ball. The kids play for a couple of hours each Sunday and the parents cheer and take stunning pictures of their little boys. Why? Because little boys in team uniforms are absolutely adorable, squishable and oooohhh yummy.

Unless

You are the only mother there whose child has dingy white pants because every part of your heart and soul knows that bleach is about vanity and kicks the crap out of Mother Earth. Then the PMS kicks in… so I’m fighting back tears standing in the aisles of the grocery story and I called Lolita, “Alexander’s pants are brown, my son slides into every base and I don’t know what to do.” She hemmed and hawed, and said, “I use Tide, but I know you like things to be eco friendly…” and while she was still talking, I was tossing Tide into my grocery cart. You see, I know Lolita and she has two boys and they have sparkly clothes, so I was in.

This is how the pants started out:
(more…)

Uhhh… not much.

This morning I have an 8.15 blood draw, stupid Hashimoto

Oh an then a Yoga thingie with a yoga guy.

oh and then there’s the Face Chipz launch thing

and finally Digital Family.

I’ll be using whrrl a lot today and I think you can still get a ticket to DFR before it’s too late.

It’ll be fun, plus I have it on good authority that Serena will be there, and tech events with hawt blondes are smart moves.

My husband is on a business trip with his boss. My Mother is on a pleasure trip with her husband. I am at home vacuuming the floorboards. In an incredibly sensitive moment my beloved late husband calls me. Apparently the four of them are having dinner somewhere swanky in London.

Here is the entire conversation, word for word (need I remind you that I never exaggerate):

HUSBAND: Hi honey, we’re all having a great time.

ME: [unable to feign joy] great

HUSBAND: So I’m with your Mom and Doc and we were trying to tell my boss why you were so unhappy during that trip to England.

ME: Because I was going to break up with you.

HUSBAND: Oh right, but wasn’t there a reason you didn’t want to take walks?

ME: It was icy and I had new boots.

HUSBAND: Oh, right the boots.

ME: Gucci boots, they were knee high with huge silver G’s on the side. I had to get those during the summertime, they sold out quickly…

HUSBAND: [yelling to my family] Hey guys she said she couldn’t walk because they were Gucci boots.

[laughter]

ME: I could walk, I just didn’t want to, they were $900 boots and I loved them, and you made me trudge through icy slushy streets with them on.

HUSBAND: I did propose.

ME: Indeed you did.

HUSBAND: Wasn’t there another issue? Didn’t something break or tear?

ME: Ugh, yes, my coat tore, I was freezing.

HUSBAND: [again yelling to the table] Her coat tore! Remember the coat? [more laughter]

And then my cell phone mysteriously cut us off, and I returned to my chores. I know you’ll find this shocking, but somehow all my husband’s underwear have turned pink.

My neighbor is exasperated, my dog barks and this prevents her from working.

I found her yesterday morning wandering from house to house to complain about all the barking dogs. I’m two houses away, the other problem dog is four houses away and across the street. She’s never liked my parenting, because my son has guns. Oh, and by guns I mean little green pieces of plastic. My dog barks when people pass in front of the house, it beats the fuck outta waving my pistol at them. I let the dog bark. It’s good.

Today when I left the house, I had Junior stay inside, as opposed to allowing him to be in and out. When he barks from upstairs to down, I can’t hear him. I wanted to be considerate of my oh-so-fragile neighbor.

I certainly don’t want to be unfriendly with a neighbor, but she has very important work to do, and don’t I know she works from home.

What the fuck does she think I’m doing?

All too often I meet folks at LA Tech events, and as we’re shaking hands all too often I see the Motrin light click on, and they say, “oh you’re Jessica.” I’ve been trying really hard to not be seen as a brand enemy. I love small businesses and some large ones too. I recognize that corporations are just larger groups of people working all day to make some cash.

When I cancelled Time Warner Cable it was because the internet connection was shoddy. There were weeks of no service, months of slow service and phone calls with the presidents office, where I was basically berated for demanding too much attention, yet I was the only customer who was able to help them fix their massive problem, because no one else complained loud enough to get past the second tier of customer support. I didn’t tell y’all that I was leaving Time Warner because I’d really like companies to not be afraid of me, and of the Moms.

Last week I’d had enough, after yet more slow service I disconnected the cable modem and returned it to Time Warner. This morning I got the following email in my inbox. The text reads (in part):

Dear Jessica,		Click here to help us deliver the best possible experience.
We want to understand why you’re leaving us! We will make it right before the final disconnect of your current Road Runner Standard High-Speed Online service. Our commitment is to correct your issues and provide options that better suit you. You have a choice and we understand that. We want to earn your business back! Currently, you have the Time Warner Cable service listed in the first box. You also have two additional options to choose from – the exceptional values below are designed to show our dedication to keeping you.How can we make everything right for you? Please take a moment to go online to www.twcsurvey.com and enter the code [changed]. No matter what you decide, your feedback is important. We hope we can earn back your business and look forward to discussing a new option that’s just right for you and fixing your problem – whatever your needs.		We want to know why you’re leaving, so please take a moment to complete a brief survey. Tell us what we’ve done or failed to do. Once we know the specifics of your issue, we’re sure we can provide the solution.Click: www.twcsurvey.com and enter the code [removed]. Please be as honest as you can. Call: Customer Care 866-605-8357 if you need answers immediately.

I took a look at this and thought, “Wow, Time Warner really gets it, they’re trying to make themselves better.” I’m not a survey person, but it seemed so organic, and so honest I thought I’d click over and give them a few seconds and let them know that all they need is a better product.

So I clicked through to the survey and I got this: