I swear to God the caviar bar in T5 swallows time. Where did it go? About to miss plane aaarggh.
— William Banks-Blaney (@WilliamVintage) September 4, 2012
Last week I got together with a girlfriend and, as is often the case, we got to talking about social media. Social Media is comprised of people so we talked about a few people and what their twitter and facebook streams look like.
And then She Who Will Remain Unnamed (SWWRU) mentioned a mutual friend’s habit of (not so) humble bragging.
“Humble Bragging?! I shook my tequila at her, there isn’t an ounce of humility in that woman’s vocabulary. It all starts with ‘I’m so fabulous’….” I screeched. “Every photo is a selfie and she never talks about anyone but herself.”
Then we both admitted to having used Muuter on her, next we both admitted to having silenced her on the facebook timeline. So at this point we were guessing whether or not she was still humble bragging, bragging or quite possibly dead and buried because having not heard from someone in three weeks means that they no longer exist. Right?
And then SWWRU and I started talking about how people whose timelines are full of nothing but parties make us jealous even if we were invited to those same parties and decided to stay home. I’m not saying this is logical I’m just saying this is how it works. If you’re a woman you understand if you’re a man you might want to just nod a lot and take notes.
Of course we don’t like feeling jealous of someone who is out five nights a week with whatever brand comes calling because we don’t want to be that person. The idea of working for cocktails and swag is abhorrent but the Not So Humble Bragger has made it actually look appealing. This is why she is so annoying. Turning a brag page into appeal is a talent I suppose and perhaps one day she’ll be paid with something more than a $14 martini at SkyBar.
To recap SWWRU and I end up feeling jealous of an acquaintance (let’s be fair, that’s what many Facebook friends are) who is going places we don’t want to go and taking home bags full of crap we don’t want. That is why she has become the frenemy.
We agree that we don’t like this in ourselves, we don’t want to feel jealous of things we never wanted to begin with. We want to be the kind of women who celebrate our friends’ successes. We want to be the kind of women who have successful friends. Instead we wasted 11 perfectly good minutes talking about someone who brings out the worst in us.