Bruised and Whiny

09.22.10


You’ve been warned. I’m whiny. I’m all about the self pity today.

I’m trying very hard in my day to day (real life) interactions to completely shine on the RA and just act as if. I’m getting up earlier in the morning so that the stiffness wears off earlier in the day, which sort of works, but also leaves me tired much earlier in the evening (read: when I’m supposed to be making dinner I want to sleep). I’ve tried playing tennis a few times since starting the Celebrex, but it’s just pitiful. I can’t really move the way I need to. In my head I’m running, but my feet just can’t take the action without limping, and my knees and hips are creaky and sore. We last a few minutes, and my partner is always gracious with an, “I’m tired, I’d like to quit.”

Hopefully no one notices my inability to move well. I’m totally wedded to the concept of my kids not having a sick mom. I don’t want to be that lady, but I kind of can’t help it sometimes.

When people say to me, “How are you?” I typically mutter, “fine how are you?” Which is code for we aren’t listening to each other talk, so why are we bothering.

Sometimes I just stare at them blankly, other times my eyes well up with tears and I pull on my sunglasses. “Allergies.” I say.

I started with the Methotrexate this week, and my arms are peppered in bruises the size of pencil erasers that don’t hurt, but keep me in long sleeves. I’m a little nauseous, but I’m not sure that it’s not from the whole concept of this ridiculous turn my life has taken. It is nauseating.

So I’m whiny on my blog, because if I was this whiny in real life I don’t know that I’d have anyone left.

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11 responses to “Bruised and Whiny”

  1. Lolita says:

    you know you can whine to me anytime. especially over dim sum ;)

  2. WillibaldoEa says:

    Oh, Jessica. I hope you start to feel better soon.

  3. CJones says:

    Aww I hope you feel better soon! You need to vent sometimes but you also need to take care of YOU! If your body is telling you, you need to take it slow, the HAVE A SEAT and then you’ll be back to SuperMom in no time. Get Well Soon

  4. Betsy Bailey says:

    ((((hugs))))

    Last year I made huge lifestyle changes to combat sarcoidosis (a mild case, but I’m trying to keep it out of my lungs so I don’t become a bedridden mom). If you haven’t gone that route, you might consider it in conjunction with the meds If you do nothing else, at least look into zyflamend – I’ve found it to be a powerful anti-inflammatory supplement (I have zero affiliation btw).

    http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00663/rheumatoid-arthritis

  5. Hang in there. The drug treatment really helped my mom with her rheumatoid arthritis and returned her to herself.

  6. You deserve to feel your emotions. You have every right to own them. Outloud.

    And if the people who surround you can’t handle your whining when you are going through the adjustment for something that can be as debilitating (physically and/or mentally) as RA, then they suck.

    However, I think that you underestimate them. They probably WANT to be there for you but don’t know how. You’re allowed to decide how you feel. But don’t make the mistake of deciding how they feel.

    Be gentle with yourself.

  7. You hurt. You are allowed to tell people you hurt.

    xoxoox

  8. Googie Baba says:

    I’m sorry you are going through this Jessica. I asked Jen about this since she is a nurse. Also, her brother has RA. She thinks things will settle down for you once you get used to the meds. She also suggests swimming. It is a good way to get exercise without lot of pressure on your joints.

  9. […] doctor wants to add back methotrexate which I’ve taken before and not liked. With “not liked” being a massive understatement. Part […]

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