Cats, Dogs, Mice, Rats and Gottliebs

10.14.10


Last night we had a familiar issue.

It’s all fine and funny, because (as usual) I didn’t see the rat. Mr. G. did. Let’s face it, over and over again my husband is seeing rats scurrying into and out of the house.  I have seen just one, and it was very very dead.

My friend Emily is on her way in for a visit, and we had this little interaction.

See?! It’s all still a joke. I haven’t actually seen the rat. I’m delighted to tease Mr. G. a little bit, and ask how often he hallucinates.

Until….

I spent the early morning hours at PetCo and the grocery store buying food, litter, toys, and a litter box. Then I spent the later part of the morning at the animal shelter trying to hold back tears.

You see Mr. G. told me last night that he was going to come home from work today and see a cat in the house. I do not like cats. I do not like kittens. I do not enjoy animals as a rule. I like poodles, they’re like their own kind of animal, sort of needy and snooty all rolled into one lump of really smart dog.

Now I’m standing in the cat house at the local pound. There must be fifty kittens all cute and mewing. I hardly look at them. I can resist the kittens, right? I was going to go pet some cats, but I realized I needed a strategy. I was there to look only for female cats who were already spayed. I’d like to find one that’s under five years old. That leaves me just seven cats in the shelter.

I petted them all. They’re all sweet, they’re all cuddly (well, except one), and when it came time to make a decision I just pointed. I had to get out of the area. Between the cacophony of barking dogs, mewing cats and the unbearable stench of urine, I was totally overwhelmed and needed to run home.

As I bring the unnamed cat home and take her out of her carrier I decide to snuggle her into my neck. Because animals need snuggling, right?

I forgot (don’t ask me how) that cats hate dogs. Junior trotted into the room, four sets of claws shot into my neck and chest, and I tried with all my might to stay calm, all the while thinking to myself how the fuck did this become my life.

She’s cute, but she did pierce my skin. In about six places.

hired assasin

Dedicated Rat Killer (we hope)

Facebook Comments

14 responses to “Cats, Dogs, Mice, Rats and Gottliebs”

  1. Oh, Jessica, I hope you didn’t get that cat honestly hoping that she would hunt rats. Plenty of domesticated animals will leave them alone (you know that poodles were great hunters, yes? And Junior has no interest…)

    A full size rat could injure your cat, which would require an emergency trip to the ER, which is big time vet bills.

    She MAY nab the rat. But it’s not an automatic.

    You know that I do not, as a rule believe in high horses, but when it comes to the safety and care of animals…

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jessica Gottlieb and Jessica Gottlieb, JulianaMarie. JulianaMarie said: RT @JessicaGottlieb: I cannot be on twitter tonight. I have to hang out with our mercenary (she works for food) http://bit.ly/aR2qyP […]

  3. I saw your tweets, but I had to open this post and show Tiffany proof….that there is now a new member of your fam…”Un-named Cat Gottlieb”.

  4. Googie Baba says:

    In my experience, the cat doesn’t need to catch the mouse. Rodents will smell the cat and just give up the fight. But I am a big fan of cats.

  5. Preston says:

    My dalmatian, Dave, is a big mouse hunter. We had a mouse problem for a couple of weeks until we found the hole that needed plugging. During that time, Dave killed about a dozen mouse. We call him Stealth Dave. He may be old but he still likes hunting those meeses. LOL

  6. Janette says:

    Hope the cat solves your rat problem. I have cats and they leave dead squirrels at the door. and rats as well sometimes. and our inside kitty kills spiders for us.

  7. melissa says:

    i have a terrier who would love to have at that rat.

  8. When the cat fails, call me and I’ll come over with my two rat terriers. They’ll get the job done. But drop the cat off with the neighbors then because they’ll take her out too.

  9. […] Here is the link to her application on iTunes. Mrs. Jessica Gottlieb will entertain you  from posts on her family to the review of Wells Fargo business […]

  10. WillibaldoEa says:

    I’m sure one of my millions of cousins is in the rodent-killing business. Let me pull out my Rolodex.

  11. […] not that much of an issue now that I have a new dishwasher, but it is an issue because Sparky the hired assassin will jump on the counter, lick the bowl clean and promptly throw […]

  12. […] people have taken to rescuing pets from shelters rather than purchasing them from breeders. We got Sparky from the clink and she’s been just lovely (even had a TV debut earlier this month) and had to […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *