Regis Philbin and his hawt Wife Joy

Lunch with my husband sucks. I plop myself down at Chin Chin, surrounded by stock brokers who are too young not successful enough to eat somewhere else, and I’m cozy as can be until my darling husband says, “Pink shirt, twelve o’clock Regis Philbin.” *yawn*

Caged Animals, Down Syndrome and A Wake Up Call

I hate cages. Animals in cages depress me. I love my children enough to take them to the zoo but I feel anxious the entire time. The rule breaker in me wants desperately to open the cages and free the animals. I feel like Lisa Simpson in running shoes, only not nearly as cool. My boy turned 7 last week, and all he wanted was a hamster. We’ve had hamsters before and we had yet to enjoy having a hamster live with us. Hamsters are nocturnal. Hamsters are tiny. Hamsters …

Eff You Lady: Adventures in Head Lice

Dear Myla’s Mother, Fuck you. I could end the letter there but I won’t. I’d like to elaborate on why you can go fuck yourself. This house has been head lice free for almost a month. Why? Because when my daughter had them I took care of her. We stayed home for a few days to get the job done. When your daughter had head lice you sent her to camp. How do I know this? Because my daughter told me so. Myla explained to the girls that she only …

Fat Acceptance is Bullshit

I’m tired of hearing people equating obesity with race, hence the discrimination. I can’t carry my 7 year old on my back all day long and still have a good quality day. He’s 50 pounds or so. Many of you “fat acceptance” bloggers have lots more than 50 pounds on you. Stop pretending it’s okay. You are dying and some of you are killing your kids. That has me irate. It’s got to suck to be morbidly obese. I can’t imagine laboring to get out of bed, oh, wait I …

Bad Mommies are the Only Ones Worth Knowing

If you’re like me you’ve met a perfect mother. She’s infallible, never curses, never raises her voice, always cooks a healthy dinner and scares the snot outta ya. Why? Because it’s untenable. We all know that Perfect Mommy will snap, and when she does I don’t want to be there. Besides the loneliness of having infant children I suspect that the secret badness of the Mommy business is what brings us to our computers. Recently I visited a sibling cousin family member¬†friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) and we were …