My Husband Has A Boss That’s Not Me
My husband is on a business trip with his boss. My Mother is on a pleasure trip with her husband. I am at home vacuuming the floorboards. In an incredibly sensitive moment my beloved late husband calls me. Apparently the four of them are having dinner somewhere swanky in London.
Here is the entire conversation, word for word (need I remind you that I never exaggerate):
HUSBAND: Hi honey, we’re all having a great time.
ME: [unable to feign joy] great
HUSBAND: So I’m with your Mom and Doc and we were trying to tell my boss why you were so unhappy during that trip to England.
ME: Because I was going to break up with you.
HUSBAND: Oh right, but wasn’t there a reason you didn’t want to take walks?
ME: It was icy and I had new boots.
HUSBAND: Oh, right the boots.
ME: Gucci boots, they were knee high with huge silver G’s on the side. I had to get those during the summertime, they sold out quickly…
HUSBAND: [yelling to my family] Hey guys she said she couldn’t walk because they were Gucci boots.
[laughter]
ME: I could walk, I just didn’t want to, they were $900 boots and I loved them, and you made me trudge through icy slushy streets with them on.
HUSBAND: I did propose.
ME: Indeed you did.
HUSBAND: Wasn’t there another issue? Didn’t something break or tear?
ME: Ugh, yes, my coat tore, I was freezing.
HUSBAND: [again yelling to the table] Her coat tore! Remember the coat? [more laughter]
And then my cell phone mysteriously cut us off, and I returned to my chores. I know you’ll find this shocking, but somehow all my husband’s underwear have turned pink.