Bad Mommies are the Only Ones Worth Knowing

If you’re like me you’ve met a perfect mother. She’s infallible, never curses, never raises her voice, always cooks a healthy dinner and scares the snot outta ya. Why? Because it’s untenable. We all know that Perfect Mommy will snap, and when she does I don’t want to be there. Besides the loneliness of having infant children I suspect that the secret badness of the Mommy business is what brings us to our computers. Recently I visited a sibling cousin family member friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) and we were …

On Death and Dying and Doing it all Wrong

On my desk are sympathy cards. They’re blank because I can’t fill them in. I cannot bring myself to write: Dear Emily, I’m so sorry that you lost your mother in what should have been her best and strongest years. I’m so sad for you that you won’t have your mother there when you have children and that your father will grow old with someone else, or even alone. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love you and how blessed I am Because you are part of …

Strangers in my Home

The LA Mommy Bloggers couldn’t wait for their formal launch party in September and someone who rhymes with SoCalMom (Yeah I get no privacy so either do you) suggested a less formal get together. Because I can’t hold my liquor and don’t want a DUI I’m a giver I volunteered my home. It dawned on me this morning that I invited a dozen women to my home. None of whom I’ve ever met. If you are not in possession of a set of ovaries you really don’t know what this …

Head Lice: Actually Mom This is Fun

Talking with the Pediatrician is always a load of fun. Mothers like I need mint flavored shoes because we spend so much time with our feet in our mouths. I’m sure the kids really enjoyed my screeching at him, “Malathion?! You want to prescribe Malathion for my children’s scalp? Are you trying to kill us all?” Fast forward a few days and I’m standing over my son, holding back tears and pulling yet another nit out of his hair I’m hoping it’s the last. I say to him, “Just be still Alexander …